i just had sex bonerless
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
