Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
