And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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