Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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