Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
