I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
