drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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