Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
