Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
