He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
