dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
