I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
it's great music for shaving your balls
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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