Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
