He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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