So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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