I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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