my phone needs a breathalizer
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I pour the whiskey from now on
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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