Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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