I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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