my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
