don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
