if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
