Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
