theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
