paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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