My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
