Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
