Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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