I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
