Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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