My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
