Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
