turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
