Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
