guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
