So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
