Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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