new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
