O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
