My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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