i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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