Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
