PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Randomize
