if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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