You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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