I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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