He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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