If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
