I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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