i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
