Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
