apparently the secret to your success is patron
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
