Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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