Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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